I'm so anti.....

That way the day can reflect my mood.  Today is payday and the weather is beautiful, and yet I feel icky.  I’m not exactly sure but I think something I wrote hurt someone I really care about… A LOT.  Seeing as how he won’t talk to me I really can’t call it but that’s the only logical explanation. 

My alarm went off at 7am like it was supposed to but I could not find it in me to get up.  Instead I lie there, cuddled with E.J. (my bear), and started to cry. No explanation behind it or no thought that caused it, just started crying. That lasted an hour before  I decided to get up and get ready for work.  However after I put my pants on and pulled my sweater over my head I found myself alone, in the dark, and the tears started again.  This time with that infamous Taraji P. Henson line from “Baby Boy” ringing in my head (yea THAT line). After that moment I lifted my head and started speaking to God and whilst I cannot remember what I said, I have in a feeling that in some regard, I was heard.

So I really cannot call how the day will go, but I feel like if necessary I’ll shut my office door and let the tears fall if necessary. Which is why on this nice sunny day, where nothing can drown out the sobs and other sounds of my sadness… I wish it would rain.